The Girl Who Would Be God
by Osuwarii
Summary: Haruhi is beginning to take a more...direct role in her Sealed Reality stress relief sessions. Unfortunately for Kyon, she's also decided that fantasies of pleasure are more relaxing than those of destruction...HxK Sorry for OOCness! Beware slight citrus!


**Disclaimer-ness: **Mr. Tanigawa owns these characters, I just enjoy playing with them. So please don't sue me, I'm saving up to buy an Xbox 360 ya know. :D

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The computer screen glared at him.

Kyon glared back.

Haruhi glared at the tea kettle, insisting it boil this instant. She impatiently tapped her toe against the linoleum floor of the SOS clubroom. The light of the day began to fade, leaving the room engulfed in an eerie twilight-y glow that did little to help Kyon's nerves.

The club members had stayed late once again to finish up their entry to the school's baking competition, which Haruhi had graciously entered without informing them. Mikuru and Yuki had been sent to the grocery in search of ingredients for the frosting (they were baking a Chocolate Zucchini cake, much to Kyon's disgust and Haruhi's elation), and Koizumi, suspiciously, hadn't been in school that day. But considering their club leader's foul mood as of late, he could guess what the esper was busy doing.

Finally the kettle whistled, causing Kyon to jump slightly. He was frazzled today, after taking 3 tests that he'd studied all night for and then having to deal – by himself, now – with Haruhi's insatiable boredom and frustration with the world. And finishing this English homework was no small task, either. He only had a few sentences to go, but was drawing a complete blank as he stared at the translated Word document. Haruhi sat down with her cup of tea, leaning her face into her hands and sighing tiredly. Kyon slumped his shoulders and rested his head on the keyboard. It wasn't long before drowsiness overtook him like a tidal wave, whisking him off into a quiet and comfortable darkness that he welcomed.

All too soon, this moment's reprieve was cut short by a hand shaking his shoulder.

"Kyon."

_Ughh, mom, please just let me sleep today. I haven't gotten to all week, and I'm wasted…_

"Kyon! You fell asleep at the keyboard, you idiot. I'm telling you to wake up!"

The hand shook him harder, almost throwing him out of his chair. Kyon's eyes blinked open to find Haruhi standing over him, hands perched on his shoulders. She looked about ready to pounce him. He had turned his head to voice his complaints about being woken out of a wonderful slumber (which involved the ever lovely Mikuru in a scandalous witch's outfit) when he first noticed it.

The sky outside the window was dark of course, since it was well past 8:00. But what was disturbing was that there were no stars, or clouds, or the moon for that matter; nothing but a sickly, dim grey color filled the space.

Kyon gulped. _Ohh, shit. Sealed Reality. I knew it had to be coming, but this fast?_

"Where are Nagato and Asahina-san?"

Haruhi walked casually over to the teapot on the counter, dumping out soggy tealeaves and measuring a fresh portion. "Who cares? They probably went home or something."

Now that was odd. Haruhi, totally unconcerned that their vital frosting-supply mission hadn't been completed? Something really was wrong with her this time. Kyon tried to think logically about his present situation. Or, as logically as it _could_ be thought about. Koizumi had briefed him about this Sealed Reality and how he should stop Suzumiya from making it the new world, but of course he'd been as annoyingly vague and indeterminate as ever.

'_If what I've observed over the past several day is correct, in the likely event that another Sealed Reality appears, you should not resist Suzumiya's actions at any cost. Go along with what she tells you._'

'Wait, isn't that dangerous? Last time what she wanted was to create a new world where blue giants roamed the landscapes and obliterated buildings under a grey sky.'

'_You're right to wonder at this approach, but understand that Suzumiya's stress level isn't nearly so high as it was the time before. Last time, she was so fed up with this world that she had decided to create a new one. But she's not entirely frustrated with this world yet, and is trying very hard to work off her stress and look at things more positively. I suspect this may be your doing.' _

'What? What the hell did I do that would influence Haruhi that much? She doesn't listen to a word I say!'

'_I think you may be underestimating both her and yourself, Kyon. Anyway, what you did in your last encounter with this type of Sealed Reality was apparently enough to convince her to give the current world a few more chances. She's hesitant to let go of it. And so, I think that the Sealed Reality she will create will be special; actually, a conscious form of this usually unconscious stress relief, in which she is present and able to make decisions as to what would best relax her. She is not yet trying to recreate the world, but is taking a more active in reducing her anxiety level...It should be an interesting thing to study. We will likely be able to observe it from the outside, but unable to enter.'_

'Fine, so you think Haruhi's going to create a space for her to relieve her own stress, and to do that I'll have to go along with absolutely any crazy plan she comes up with? How do you know I'll even be there?'

'_You are very closely connected with her, Kyon, I have no doubt she will involve you in this. Your trusting her – and me – could be the only way to stop the destruction of this world as we know it. But don't worry too much. Even though she'll be conscious of what she's doing, she won't really consider that what's happening is real. You convinced her that the other Sealed Reality was a dream, so she'll likely believe this to be one too, and thusly might act in ways that may be atypical for her in a normal, everyday situation, but are still based on her deepest desires and wishes. In any case, I have faith in you. We're counting on you, Kyon-kun!'_

So he had to go along with whatever she said? And 'expect the unexpected'? Perfect. Not like that was much different from what he did daily anyways. Guess there was no choice.

"Want some tea?"

Haruhi sounded unusually pleasant and cheery, Kyon thought. _Just go along with it._

"Sure, why not?"

A small ceramic cup was placed on the table next to his hand. Haruhi smiled almost cordially – Kyon shivered. _So she'll act atypical? How atypical can we expect, here?_

"I want on the computer now, you've had it for ages. Go drink the tea I slaved over to prepare. Get up, come on!" She shoved him off the chair and plopped herself down in the spot he was occupying, pushing his drink to the other end of the table.

_Well, not completely atypical, I suppose. We'll have to see._

Kyon pulled up the seat across from Haruhi, draped his school jacket over the back of it, and began sipping the Ginseng Oolong in his cup. _Hmm, not as bad as the last time she brewed it, but still doesn't even hold a candle to Asahina-san's,_ he thought, licking the drops off his lips.

He didn't notice Haruhi glance at him as he did so.

Minutes passed in relative silence as Kyon sipped and Haruhi clicked the mouse here and there. For once, it actually felt rather nice just sitting in a room, enjoying each other's presence.

_Tolerating,_ he corrected himself. _Nothing involving Haruhi could ever be entirely enjoyable. _

As though offended by this very thought and intent to prove him wrong, Haruhi kicked back her chair and stood up, a stubborn frown distorting her brilliant features.

"Kyon, you worked a long time. On the cake and the computer and everything. You're sore from it, right?" she asked, eyes glowing suspiciously, jaw set tight.

"Sore? I fail to see how that matters." _Since when have you cared about my physical condition? I'm usually made to lug pounds of equipment around for you like a pack mule for hours on end._

"Well stupid, if you're sore then you won't be at 110 to serve the brigade tomorrow at the baking competition, and we can't have our members operating at substandard levels. You'll just be a liability! Making a bad impression on judges and stuff."

_Oh really? Well, then._ "And if I am, just what do you intend to do about it?" he challenged.

Haruhi crossed her arms and huffed, looking away with…was that a _blush_ creeping up on her cheeks? Couldn't be.

"Well give you a back rub, of course! What else _could_ I do?"

Kyon's eyebrows just about shot off of his forehead.

Was she serious? _Haruhi's always serious_, he reminded himself solemnly. Then holy hell, Batman, this was headed somewhere dangerous _fast_. Kyon couldn't decide if he wanted to go there or not. In the end, the choice was graciously made for him as Haruhi closed the space between them in three swift steps.

"This is important to the proper functioning of the brigade, you understand? If even one member is weak, it could bring down the entire team! We can't risk those sorts of casualties on the field!"

Just as he was about to reproach her for comparing their high school club to a military unit (though he guessed Haruhi could no doubt be a ruthless and superb general of any army she wished, based on her chilling efficiency in commanding exactly what she wanted from her "pawns"), her hands found his shoulders. Kyon gasped as her fingers began to dig at his muscles with surprising strength and dexterity. It took mere seconds for him to melt like putty at her touch, tired and tender muscles responding immediately to her ministrations. Though he couldn't see her face from his position, Kyon guessed Haruhi was probably wearing her classic smug grin at this time, proud of how quickly and easily she was able reduce him to mush. He would have shot her down…but it felt too good to protest.

The girl probably hadn't the faintest clue of the effects she had on his body at times. He couldn't deny that she was as obviously attractive as both Mikuru and Yuki, and practically anything looked flattering on her figure. But looks were, surprisingly, not what interested him the most. Kyon had always prided himself on not being drawn in too quickly by appearance alone. He liked to take the time to get to know people before really opening up to them.

And yet somehow, he still ended up with an idiot like Tanigutchi for a friend. Perhaps his people reading skills were just _that bad_.

But to Kyon, Haruhi's personality was as much a turn off as it was a turn on: she was bossy and inconsiderate and stubborn as hell…but movingly passionate and sensitive at times. Kyon knew that she wouldn't hesitate to help a friend in need, even though it would probably be Haruhi that had gotten them into the situation they needed help out of. She could be sharp and clever as she was ignorant and naïve, and while he constantly chided her and called her childish for chasing empty illusions of espers and aliens…a small part of him might just _possibly _actually admire her for that, for her unwavering determination to achieve her dreams.

Friendly…and detached.

Overbearing, and submissive.

Obstinate and acquiescent.

Kyon sighed.

_Full of paradoxes, that's what she is, _he decided.

_Perfect for the girl who would be God._

…He was brought out of his reverie by what felt like a gentle lick on his left ear.

Kyon kept every muscle still. _What the hell…?_

There it was again – this time he could swear he felt a nibble, too. Kyon tried not to panic. Haruhi was supposed to be acting slightly off, right? But her actions were still based on her desires. He attempted to rationalize this development, and managed to recall the time before the baseball tournament, when Haruhi had gotten excited and bitten Mikuru's ear…So maybe she had an ear fetish? Weird. But this _was_ Haruhi Suzumiya. Anything was possible.

Still, none of this was helping Kyon out of the situation. Haruhi continued to suck gently on the rim of his ear, assumingly unaware that this was not normal behavior for a friendly back rub and was _creeping him the hell out_. But even as Kyon formulated this thought, certain…other regions of his anatomy protested it.

He grimaced horridly. _Oh, you have got to be kidding me! This is disturbing, not arousing! Haruhi Suzumiya is sucking…on my ear…oh God. _He closed his eyes and shuddered involuntarily, shock waves resonating from the tip of his ear down through his body. This movement did not escape the girl's notice, and she promptly pulled her mouth away, correctly guessing him to be uncomfortable with her advances (though why precisely she cared about that in her dreamlike state, Kyon would never know). He was equal parts disappointed by and thankful for this, both because he honestly wasn't sure how much longer he could have held out without asking to be excused to the men's room.

The massage continued, though. Haruhi's fingers worked deftly over the muscles in his neck now, gradually progressing down to his shoulders, then his back. They moved ceaselessly, pushing and pulling and twisting things back into place whenever they needed to. They wandered and explored every nook and cranny to be found, following the curve of Kyon's torso from top to bottom and the delicate snake of his spinal column, lingering more in certain places than others.

It was several minutes of this before Kyon finally realized that Haruhi was no longer massaging him, but _feeling_ him.

Though slightly alarmed, he actually found it kind of…_endearing_, in a way? Maybe that was the wrong word. Kyon felt a strange sense of pride in that she seemed so fascinated by his body. Not a fact he would ever admit to anyone, no, but still something of a small ego boost. He sighed as she slid her hands smoothly up and down his back, the warmth of her palms passing easily through the thin cotton of his shirt. He really shouldn't be enjoying this so much. He really, _really _shouldn't – this was Haruhi Suzumiya, after all! The overly eccentric, bratty girl who forced innocent classmates into meaningless, and often times scandalous situations for her own pleasure. The one that refused to listen to others' opinions and feelings and accepted only her own beliefs…

Or was this the Haruhi that actually listened to people? That always had a smile when she walked through the door; that tried never to lose a positive outlook on life no matter the circumstances? That came out of no where to lend a helping hand to a classmate in need? That could wax philosophic all day about life, the universe and everything and actually have a point to make (as well as refrain from using the number forty-two)?

Kyon couldn't remember anymore.

And when she suddenly slipped an adventurous hand inside the collar of his shirt and raked her nails softly down the skin of his back, he didn't much care, either.

Her next request (or demand, rather) sounded less ludicrous then Kyon was sure it would have, if she hadn't been making him purr like a kitten with her touches.

"It'd be easier if you took off your shirt, y'know," she mentioned nonchalantly, still stroking up and down his spine. This was the first warning sign, and Kyon didn't miss it completely; though he probably should have taken it more seriously than he did. After briefly debating with himself about the uncomfortable places this could lead to, he remembered Koizumi's advice. _Do exactly as she says, huh? I'm not sure how long I can keep this up, you bastard. But I guess…a shirt is innocuous enough. Here goes nothin'._

It was to be the first time of many that evening that his esper friend's words would compel Kyon to step beyond his comfort zone on the topic of 'attractive young women-that-he-may-or-may-not-have-a-thing-for-so-shut-up-about-it-already', and explore the depths of emotions that he was afraid to even scratch the surface of in the real world.

Of course Kyon hadn't the slightest inkling of this. What he _did_ have an inkling of, though, was the familiar sensation in his lower abdomen, which had only grown since Haruhi first began, for lack of a prettier word, _touching_ him.

His collared school shirt and tie were discarded with little hesitation on Haruhi's part. She leaned over him to undo each of the buttons with precision and care, slim hands laboring diligently as her breasts pressed into Kyon from behind. Moments later the garments were hurled unceremoniously somewhere off to the right, giving Kyon a chance to follow their trajectory and steal a glance out the window. _Sky's still grey as ever…but no Shinjin this time. I guess Koizumi was kind of right. Damnit, I could still have a long way to go, though…_

"Scoot out this way. I need better access."

Kyon quietly obeyed and backed the chair up at an angle. Haruhi turned him so he was facing the window now instead of the table, then moved to stand in front of him.

Her eyes grew wide as a kid's in a candy store. She stared shamelessly at Kyon's bare chest for what seemed like hours to him. He felt his cheeks heat up – it was kind of weird for her to just stare at him like that, wasn't it? Was something wrong? _Say something!!_

"Is, um…something wrong? Haruhi?"

She blinked a few times before lifting her head to catch his gaze for the first time that night.

"No, I-I just…I never realized you were…well, so…well built, Kyon," she finally muttered, a blush tingeing her cheeks as well. But years of experience taught her to cover embarrassment effortlessly. Winking one eye, tapping a finger to her chin and unleashing a brilliant smile, the effervescent Haruhi Kyon knew and lo- _ah, just knew_, replied without missing a beat,

"You could be a real hottie if you wanted to! Maybe I should get some sexy costumes for you and Koizumi as well? Hmm, that's a perfect idea, I bet we'd attract more female members for the club!"

Kyon groaned and facepalmed. _Let's hope she forgets this 'dream' and doesn't bring any of these dumb ideas back into the real world._

"Uh, I don't think that would be necessary, you Asahina-san have the costume department well covered. Besides, we'd probably scare people off, if anything, ahah…"

Haruhi seemed to consider this for a second, drumming that same slender finger on her chin. "I'll think about it later," she stated simply, before abruptly making a move to sit down on the front of Kyon's lap.

Time stopped.

His eyes widened. Haruhi was slowly lowering herself down onto him.

_No, you can't sit there! My – it – Ack!_

And for the first time in a _long_ time, Kyon panicked.

Out shot his arms, without any conscious command from his brain. He only barely managed to correct their crash course in the knick of time – had he not, they would have landed smack on the mounds on the front of her chest, _not exactly_ a desirable location at the present time.

_Ok, so maybe desirable in __**certain**__ ways_.

Kyon mentally bitch slapped the part of his brain that suggested that.

But the fact remained that his arms were now grasping each of Hauhi's firmly, and if the look on her face told him anything, this was something of a shock to her.

"The hell? Lemme sit on your lap, Kyon, I can reach better that way!"

"Wasn't this a _back_ rub?"

"I have to do the job as thoroughly as possible! What kind of example could I be to the brigade if I half assed every task I undertook?"

_Typical Haruhi logic._

"Whatever, then pull up a chair in front of me and sit on that."

"I couldn't get to you from there! I don't have monkey arms like you do," she retorted, escaping his grip and lowering herself down without warning.

_Augh, no! She'll feel it – I'll be exposed! Ahh!_

But sitting down mere centimeters behind his still growing bulge, Haruhi somehow remained blissfully unaware of Kyon's…er, eager little friend. She began toiling again without delay, rubbing his front shoulder and upper pectoral muscles with the same vigor that she had attacked his back with. She kept her eyes focused on what her hands were doing, which was perfectly ok with Kyon, as he didn't think he'd be able to look at her properly without turning beet red for some time now. Haruhi leaned in to inspect her work more closely –

And Kyon felt it again. A gentle nip at his collarbone.

This time, Haruhi was prepared for when she felt him tense instinctively. "It's a relaxation technique. Just trust me, it'll feel good," she promised without his even asking, licking at the spot she'd bitten, and doing absolutely nothing to quell his fears.

_Oh, I have no doubt it'll feel good. That's what I'm concerned about,_ he thought hopelessly, unable to stop the sensation in his trousers from increasing in intensity. If this continued on much longer, he wouldn't be able to ignore what was going on down there, and neither would Haruhi. _This isn't going to end well._

_I think it could end __**really**__ well, if this keeps up_, the dirty part of his mind chimed brightly. Kyon felt a sudden overwhelming urge to stab himself in the eye.

This prompted a bout of dark laughter from within. _Remember, what occurs here is based solely on her own desires_, his perv cortex reminded him. _Everything she's doing is what she wishes would happen._

Kyon blanched slightly at this. _Then…does that mean…? _The licking had moved on past his chest and was now making its way up his neck, at a tantalizingly slow pace. _Oh, God…_

…_Haruhi, why are you doing this, exactly? _

He tried not to focus on the feeling of Haruhi's lips brushing against his jugular.

_Is it because you just like to torture me in whatever way possible?_

She must have been able to feel his heart racing at breakneck speeds by now, he was sure.

_Or do you really…want this? _

The suckling stopped. Kyon leaned reflexively forward to follow the retreat of her mouth, but it did not return. He let his train of thought continue.

_This is what you want?_ _I find it somewhat hard to believe after all you've put me through. You've never even dated a guy seriously before. How can I be -_

But before he could seriously consider the possible emotions driving Haruhi's actions, hell froze over, the world dropped out from underneath him, and Haruhi kissed him.

Kyon's little thought train chugged happily off a cliff and exploded magnificently in mid air.

As her lips locked with his, she kept her eyes open and stared straight into Kyon's, as if to gauge his reaction. He was in turn so surprised that he found himself gazing right back at her, despite the instinct to look away. The intensity of those deep chestnut pools was increased tenfold by the fervor of the kiss, which was as dizzying and passionate as Kyon believed such a thing as a kiss could be. He stared at her like this for a long time before fully realizing that he was, in fact, kissing her back. At this point, though, she pulled away for air, a small string of saliva left connecting their parted and gasping mouths.

Her cheeks were flushed, eyes heavy lidded, short russet hair tousled and sticking to her face with light sweat in various places, and pink lips slightly open…Kyon believed he could honestly say he had never been so turned on in entire his life. Sitting before him was a goddess, a perfect and beautiful being, exquisite in every way.

_Goddess? Oh hell, now I sound like Koizumi. But she just…she kissed me! What the hell!_

'_Just keep doing what she says'?!_

…_Kissing, I can stand. But how far is she going to go? I can't keep ignoring what she's doing to me, but this isn't right…_

_Augh, this is all…fuck. I don't know what. I can't think straight anymore._

Kyon didn't have to worry, though, because to Haruhi, thinking was unnecessary when you could just follow your heart. Seeing no signs of protest to her actions, the girl suddenly charged back in with renewed enthusiasm, crushing her lips against his. This time she closed her eyes, and Kyon let his do the same, temporarily suspending his inner discussion of her (and his) motives. As their mouths pressed against each other, battling for dominance, an adventurous tongue slipped out to intertwine with the other's, though later neither of them could remember whose tongue it was; because it was at that moment that Haruhi Suzumiya shifted her hips forward and discovered something _terribly _interesting poking up at her from the lap of her colleague.

Kyon couldn't keep the groan that surfaced from passing from his mouth into Haruhi's, since their lips were still crammed against each other.

He'd never felt so torn between such powerful emotions before: absolute terror, confusion and mortification on one hand, incredible pleasure and arousal on the other.

Haruhi hadn't ever been an easy girl to deal with, sure, but he'd always at least been able to clearly define in his mind what he wanted, or didn't mind, her doing and what he simply wouldn't stand for.

…but now, everything had begun to meld together. Kyon didn't know what he wanted anymore. Or rather, what his _mind_ said he wanted was completely different from what his _body_ said.

And his heart? He didn't even want to _go_ there. It was somewhere in between the other two – dangerous ground to tread. He'd ignored it for the most part, whenever it started to act up and give him those funny butterflies in the pit of his stomach. His mind had convinced him that since these sensations only ever occurred around that psychopath Haruhi, the logical conclusion was that his heart was defunct and therefore shouldn't be trusted at any cost. He'd happily accepted this answer, since it appeared most sensible, and resolved never to be swayed by the whims of such an inconstant factor.

But now…now, when reasoning and common sense failed to explain what he felt, when the solid logic he had built his ideas and opinions on began to crumble, his mind could offer him no solace. It was now that Kyon's heart fought more than ever to be heard.

And it was impossible to ignore all that it was saying.

Especially when it coincided so nicely with Koizumi's advice…

_Just go for it!_

_You __**want **__her, you idiot, with everything you've got, you want her, but you're too obstinate and pig-headed to admit it. Forget about rationale, forget right and wrong and just roll with the punches for once. _

Haruhi gasped softly, surprised by the new development underneath her.

_Roll with the punches…_

Her eyes bubbled with questions as she looked up at Kyon for an explanation. But even then, he saw she couldn't quite hide the silly grin spreading across her face.

'_Go along with what she tells you,' _Koizumi's voice echoed.

"Kyon! I can't believe you, you naughty horn-dog you! All that just from a little back rub?" she teased, eyebrows wiggling, ostensibly unfazed by this turn of events.

He sighed and rubbed his temple absentmindedly, utterly bewildered by her unwavering composure. _A' little back rub'? More like blatant molestation! And what the hell are you talking about, don't try to gloss over the fact that you were just making out with me? You just about sucked my face off here, with no warning whatsoever!_

But in the silence between Haruhi's playful remark and his snide inner reply, as she continued to smirk at him and presumably plan her next attack, Kyon found he was at long last able to come to a conclusion about something.

Apparently, Haruhi had more than just a little thing for him.

But maybe that was…ok.

And maybe…just maybe it wasn't so terrible to confess that he had more than just a little thing for her, too.

…Perhaps quite a big thing, actually.

And so the wheels of madness began to squeak menacingly inside Kyon's jumbled brain. Logic was indeed thrown out the window, for no amount of scientific experimentation could ever hope to explain what he did next. Listening to his heart for the first time since he'd given up on the existence of the supernatural, since meeting this reckless and foolhardy girl who had inevitably changed his life, Kyon made his move.

With a mischievous smirk to rival even Haruhi's own, he asked,

"Oh? You think you can hold out any better against such a barrage?"

If ever she had complained that Kyon wasn't impulsive enough, Haruhi was silenced for good now; and her subconscious moan and shiver as his lips met the soft, white flesh at the base of her throat were more than enough to hush his qualms about the possibly universe-altering choice he had just made.

"I'm feeling much better now. Why don't I give _you_ a back rub, chief?"

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O, I am slain! Xx Damn, this sucker took me a long time to complete, despite it's measly 4,900 words. I haven't actually finished a fic in, hell, years. God knows I've started up 3 or 4, and never gotten my lazy ass in gear enough to finish them…Actually, to tell the truth this was supposed to be much, much longer, but I just couldn't get myself to write the lemon it would have needed xD So I debated and labored over it and tweaked it for a few more days, and decided to post it like this. Hope it still has a finished feel of sorts. And that Kyon and Haruhi weren't _too_ absurdly OOC, though I tried to use the whole 'dream world' idea as an excuse for Haruhi's sudden, er, friendliness. And Kyon may be hornier than usual, but hey, he's a teenage boy, things happen that he can't always control ;)

All in all, I hope it was at least _somewhat_ enjoyable. I've never written SHnY before, but it sure seems an interesting place to dabble in…maybe I'll come back sometime soon.

Review if you feel like it! Please be nice with your criticism, I'm a sensitive gal! (:

Love&Peace,

osuwarii


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